Being the giver that I am, I was sure to pass on my family traditions to my eROI family.  Thus began the institution of the birthday email.  Even though every employee is guaranteed to get a card late, I made sure that these mild affronts showed up right on time.

Below are a few of the highlights throughout the year.  I hope I don’t lose friends over this.

Our fearless leader in a stylish ’stache.  Click here for the real thing.

VP of Products, going to his version of The Dark Side.

Our controller, she is known to party with rock stars from time to time ;)

Senior Account Executive may be his day job title but at night he is at the DJ Booth spinning for Homeless Panda.

Always put together Director of Account Services, St Tropez style.

And as an update for all of you waiting with bated breath about the fate of the dishwasher.  Yesterday we officially got a new one.  It’s time to put the Mom Jeans away.

The second holiday email campaign (see above for email design) had such compelling and humorous, original content on its landing page that it made up for a slightly expected subject line and simple email design and copywriting.  Basically, this email from Sandstrom Partners was incredibly effective at getting me to click on the main call to action and even better at getting me to laugh as I completely connected with the agency gift conundrum.  See if you think their video landing page is funny too >>

If you couldn’t read the screen capture above, here is some of the text below.

From all of us at eROI, here’s wishing you a happy
holiday season. This year we’re swapping double opt-ins
for double drop-ins, campaigns for champagne, and
websites for disco lights!

Planning a holiday party this year? For your grooving
pleasure, we’ve got you covered with three exclusive VIP
DJ mixes. (chill, funky, or afterhours).

—————————————————————-
The below landing page can also be seen at: http://www.eroi.com/Holiday/holiday08/

—————————————————————-
Please comment below on whether you like our current 2008 Holiday campaign or the 2006 campaign: http://www.eroi.com/holiday/

KATU.com: Lincoln H.S. parents receive hoax ‘prom night’ letter

“PORTLAND, Ore. – Administrators at Lincoln High School are trying to find out who sent a hoax letter to parents about this Saturday’s senior prom.

The letter is printed on what appears to be Portland Public Schools letterhead and it says students will likely be drinking, doing drugs, and having sex on prom night.

The letter goes on to encourage parents to open their homes for parties so kids don’t drink and drive and even provides instructions on how much alcohol to provide.

District officials say they did not send the letter and that it is an elaborate hoax.

In addition to finding out who wrote and sent the letters, the district wants to know how the pranksters gained access to addresses of parents and guardians of Lincoln students.”

“The New Niche: Hair Care for Men Without
By ANNA JANE GROSSMAN
Published: March 8, 2007

THE same week a Los Angeles salon owner was pleading with Britney Spears not to buzz her head, barbers were laying tracks across the scalps of all sorts of men at the Aidan Gill for Men salon in New Orleans.

“We have at least one man coming in for a head shave every day,” Mr. Gill said. “Had Britney come here, we’d have shaved her all the way down. She’d have looked incandescent.” For most of recent grooming history, having a totally bald pate was a look most likely found among men with formidable personalities and names to match — Kojak, Yul, Ike, Warbucks, Clean. It wasn’t a look for John over in accounting.

But in the late 1980s, Michael Jordan shaved it all off. Soon, the world was examining the scalps of Bruce Willis, Andre Agassi, Moby and just about one token character on every TV show — not to mention a swarm of Oscar nominees and presenters this year, including Jack Nicholson (who had shaved his head for a role). The response is a booming market of products being developed and sold specifically to the unhirsute — a new front in the nearly $5 billion onslaught of male grooming products in the United States.”

There are gels and ointments to help with the shave, to enhance the shine, to reduce the glare, to help with dryness or oiliness, to block the sun. There’s even a rolling razor to make the daily upkeep less stressful.

“I’m a former comb-over wearer,” confessed Howard Brauner, founder of the two-year-old company Bald Guyz, based in Manalapan, N.J. “I would spend half an hour in the morning making it look right, and then finally I just realized it was ridiculous. Once I decided to really go bald, my wife would get annoyed at me for using her expensive shampoos. But I had to use something to clean my head.”

For that particular ablution, Mr. Brauner now uses a head wash that’s part of the line of products he developed in response to his wife’s complaints. Bald Guyz also puts out pocket-size individual head wipes, for use on the go. And there is a conditioner, to be used twice a week. “Your skin up there is either dry or irritated or oily,” he said.

Men also complain about oily sunscreens that run into their eyes. Instead, there are scalp-specific blocks, like Bald Guyz’s S.P.F. 30 sunblock gel. (About 2 percent of skin cancers occur on the scalp.) For men who have forgotten to block, there is an aloe-and-green-tea moisture gel for burns.

There is also Mission: Control Bald Head Balm, a creamy, nongreasy S.P.F. 15 sunscreen, introduced last year by Sharps (one of the first non-scalp-specific toiletry companies to market a product for bald heads in the same line as products for hair care), and an S.P.F. 25 Complete Head Care Lotion from the new scalp-care brand Matte for Men. HeadShade S.P.F. 15 is a sunblock spritz by HeadBlade, a California-based company that sells products at CVS and Kmart, among other stores.

HeadBlade made its name developing a razor designed for head shaving. A yellow plastic-and-rubber handle loops onto the middle finger and is held in the palm. It resembles a snowmobile, with a razor on the front and two small wheels on the back, which ride on the scalp, keeping it steady.

There are two types of hairless men buying these products: those who do it as a simple antidote to hair erosion and those more diehard types for whom hairlessness is a way of life. Those in the latter group, who have not experienced hair loss at all, call themselves B.B.C. or Bald by Choice. (There’s even a Web site, BaldlyGo.com, that allows visitors to send in their photos to be retouched for a preview before they slather their heads with Barbasol.) The goods are being marketed accordingly.

Bald Guyz targets the average guy who’s made a choice to adopt this look, either because it’s easier than creating the illusion of hair (if he doesn’t have it) or dealing with hair at all (if he does).

The products’ packages feature photos and mini-bios of “real bald guys.” The Head Wipes box shows Shawn, a goatee-wearing researcher from Texas who enjoys jazz and R&B, and Keith, a toothy Long Island firefighter who “puts his life on the line every day, making him a very special bald guy.”

“We’re for the guy who is saying, ‘This is just what nature handed me. This is who I am,’ ” Mr. Brauner said. Many of these bald men might even have some very short hair in spots.

HeadBlade products, however, are aimed at more hard-core baldies. Photos on its Web site suggest that if you use their products, you are likely a martial artist, a drag racer, a pro wrestler or Howie Mandel. For these men, there’s a world of difference between a scrim of head hair and no hair at all. Sure, this lot might not be able to grow a full head of hair even if they wanted to … but they wouldn’t want to.

There’s also a divide in the nomenclature. Bare-headed folks like Abe Minkara of Dallas, founder of the new scalp-care company Bold for Men, never use the word “bald.” “I prefer being called ‘bold,’ ” he said.

HeadBlade’s founder, Todd Greene, who also avoids the b-word, said he developed the HeadBlade razor in the late 1990s after feeling frustrated with the hand and arm contortions involved in using a regular straight-handled safety razor on his head.

“The HeadBlade is like riding a small car on your head; a regular razor is like riding a unicycle,” he said. “It makes for a faster shave because you can feel your head while you are shaving in order to see what you’ve missed.”

While the HeadBlade has its fans, a sampling of a dozen barbers and head shavers suggested that Gillette’s Mach3 is the most popular razor, although Gillette has never marketed to that specific niche.

Mr. Greene thinks that might change soon.
“There’s a huge head care market that’s been ignored for years,” he said. “Large companies are starting to say, ‘We’ve maxed out the female skin care market, we need to educate men in order to sell them, too’ — and part of that should mean selling to men who shave their heads.”

When it comes time to actually get out the razor, there are several options besides regular foam shaving cream (which head-shaving barbers usually slather on top of a layer of baby oil). Bold for Men has a dry shave gel, which was included in Oscar gift bags this year. The gel is supposed to be used with a wet razor on a dry head. It was developed in part as a way to avoid the foamy mess that head shavers often make on the sink and bathroom floor.

HeadBlade also makes HeadSlick, a nonfoaming mentholated shaving cream, which Mr. Greene suggests using after exfoliating with his company’s gritty HeadShed scrub, and before a post-shave ClearHead salicylic acid formula to help prevent ingrown hairs.

Some, though, forgo razors altogether in favor of using the scalp-specific Magic Shave depilatory, a product produced by a division of L’Oréal USA.

Not having hair does not necessarily mean room in the medicine cabinet where styling products used to be. HeadBlade has two kinds of HeadLube grooming lotions — glossy for those who like the way the sun looks reflected off their heads, and matte for a more understated look. There’s also “Bald & Bold” by Duke, which is supposed to “tone” the look of the head. And for the bald man who does not want to forgo accessories, HeadBlade has temporary head tattoos.

But there are two areas that no company has addressed. One is how to draw attention away from the shadow of hair around many a dark-haired, pale-skinned head only hours after a close shave.

“I hate that,” said Zev Swiller, a Los Angeles teacher. “I’ve thought about maybe waxing to try to keep from getting it. I’ve gotten to the point where I wish I’d just lose the rest of my hair so I wouldn’t have to deal with that look.”

The other need? A product to address head bleeding — because even the most adept shaver occasionally nicks himself.
But, said Mr. Gill, the New Orleans barber, wearing a Band-Aid on the scalp is an indignity that the average head shaver probably doesn’t mind. Even with all the cosmetic products at hand, a bald man is usually a confident one.

“If you get to the point where you’re shaving your head,” he said, “you’ve gotten to the point where you don’t give a damn.”

We’re in the email world and SPAM is part of the discussion of everyday life. However, we never imagined that SPAM would become a popular ENERGY drink. Whoever thought SPAM would give you energy? Apparently, this Dutch company is energized by the success it has had with this drink. It gives a whole new meaning to SPAM which takes on a lemony, urine color and conjures up in my mind the taste of potable meat. Fascinating.

From: Amazon.com [mailto:promo-core@amazon.com]
Sent: Monday, April 03, 2006 10:30 AM
Subject: [placeholder for winning team] Wins the NCAA Tournament!

Congratulations, [placeholder for winning team]! As someone who has purchased sports-related products, we thought you should be the first to see our selection of NCAA championship products.

NCAA Championship Cap

Check out our championship hats, tees, and hooded sweatshirts in our NCAA Fan Shop.

“The IVR Cheat Sheet is a free service from Paul English of Kayak.com.

Here are the secret numbers and tips to bypass IVRs to get to a human. Do you know a new cheat? Tell me.

Finance phone steps to find a human
American Express 800-528-4800 0
ATT Universal 800-950-5114 ###
Bank of America 800-900-9000 1 loan; 2 account; 3 investing; 4 info; or 00 to human
Bank One 877-226-5663 0,0
Capital One Visa 800-867-0904 ignore prompts and invalid entry warnings; press #0 four times
Charles Schwab 800-435-9050 3 then 0
Chase 800-CHASE24 5 pause 1 4
CitiBank 800-374-9700 1 online support; 2 billpay; 3 non-online; 4 credit card; or 0 to human
Discover 800-347-2683 ****
E-Trade 800-387-2331 ####
Fidelity 800-544-6666 ignore prompt for social security number, just enter ###
MasterCard 800-MC-ASSIST 000 on each menu
MBNA 800-421-2110 00# when menu starts
Paypal 650 864-8000 cf http://paypalsucks.com/PayPalPhoneNumbers.shtml
Sovereign Bank 800-SOV-BANK 1 english; 1 personal; 3 then social#; passcode, #; then 0 (1-3x)
Sun Trust Banks 404-588-7815 Yes
US Bank 800-US BANKS 0000
Visa 800-847-2911 000 (ignore prompts saying that it’s an invalid entry) ”

government phone steps to find a human
INS 800-375-5283 After selecting English, (with a 2 second delay between) 2 6 2 4
Social Security 800-772-1213 00 will confuse computer and send you to an agent
Veterans Affairs 800-827-1000 1,0
insurance phone steps to find a human
Aetna 800-537-9384 “2, then say “”operator”" (check this)”
Aetna 800-680-3566 * then 0 anytime
AFLAC 800-99-AFLAC ***
Ameritas 800-745-1112 0,0,0
CIGNA 800-516-2898 REGARDING A BILL
Cigna 800-849-9000 ##
GEICO 800-841-3000 Wait for prompt then 6, 1, 5
Humana 800-4-HUMANA After entering insurance number and details, 0.
Medicare 800-633-4227 “After the opening prompt say “”agent”".”
Principal Life 800-247-4695 1 for english, 2, then 0 several times until it redirects you to an operator.
pharmacy phone steps to find a human
CVS local listing dial local store, after promt. press 6 will connect to store manager
Eckerd 800-eckerds 0 for pharmacy, 8* for manager
Rite Aid Local Store Press 3 to speak to the pharmacy
Walgreens local store 0 for a pharmacy employee
products phone steps to find a human
Bose 800-444-2673 Direct to human!
Sonos 800-680-2345 1 sales; 2 support
Sony 800-222-7669 “When prompted by the automated voice system to answer ANY questions, just say “”Agent”"”
retail phone steps to find a human
Advance Auto 800-314-4243 0 when the automated message begins
Amazon.com 800-201-7575 see http://clicheideas.com/amazon.htm
Best Buy 800-365-0292 00*
Best Buy local store wait for extension prompt (sometimes must 4), then ext. 2021
Circuit City local store 0 for customer service or 218 for store manager
eBay 800-322-9266 0,0
Home Depot 800 677-0232 “When asked for account number, keep hitting “”#”". After 5 or 6 times, a human appears!”
Home Shopping Net 800-284-3100 0
Ikea 800 434-IKEA “0000000 (hit “”0″” many times fast, if you do it once, or too slow, it will merely repeat the menu)”
K-Mart local store 0
Kohl’s 800 5645740 After providing account info, press 0 three times
Lowes local store 0 for customer service or #450 for commercial sales
Old Navy 800-OLD-NAVY 0
Overstock.com 800-843-2446 At the main menu, 0 three to four times to bypass the menu
QVC 800-367-9444 0
Safeway local store As soon as voice prompt starts type 1200 to get human
Sears 800-4-MY-HOME Silence don’t push numbers just sit there and you will be placed at front of queue.
Target local store 0 during greeting.
“Toys “”R”" Us” local store 0
Wal-Mart 800-925-6278 1 for directory
shipping phone steps to find a human
DHL 800-225-5345 press 1, press 5, press 0, enter your phone number.
FedEx 888-GO-FEDEX “At message say “”Representative”"”
UPS 800-pick-ups 0,0
USPS 800-275-8777 7-3-2-0-0 or send them some junk mail
technology phone steps to find a human
AOL 800-827-6364 0
Apple 800-275-2273 “000; if virtual rep answers, say “”operator”"”
Compaq 800-652-6672 No easy escape
Dell 888-560-8324 2 order; 3 support; 4 purchase help; or 00 to human
Dell Service 800-624-9897 option 1, xt 7266966, option 1, option 4, option 4
Earthlink 888-earthlink 1 find a dialin number; 2 billing; 3 sales; 4 support
Epson 800-922-8911 yes
Gateway 800-846-2301 00#
HP 800-474-6836 “Say “”agent”".”
HP 888-560-8324 00
IBM 800-IBM-4YOU You go into a hold queue immediately
Microsoft 800-936-5700 Always 0. This is true for just about any MS number.
QuickBooks 888-729-1996 1 purchase; 2 billing; 3 registration; 4 tech support or 0 to human
Symantec 800-441-7234 00
telco phone steps to find a human
AT&T 800-222-0300 #### then 1 if for current phone, else 2 to enter other, else 3
AT&T Wireless 800-888-7600 No easy escape
BellSouth 877-678-2355 *0
Cellular One 888-910-9191 “4, say “”agent”", then #”
Cingular 800-331-0500 For faster service, the option that you are looking to close your account, You get the same ppl but an immediate answer
Nextel 800-639-6111 0 five times
SBC 800-585-7928 Again, an (intelligent, this time) IVR wants YOUR phone number first.
Sprint PCS 888-788-5001 “If live person does not answer, 00, then say “”agent”"”
T-Mobile 800-TMOBILE “Say “”representative”" at any time.”
Verizon DSL 800 567 6789 “Say “”I don’t know it”" then “”technician”"”
Verizon Wireless 800-922-0204 #00 or enter phone # then 0 then 4
travel phone steps to find a human
American Airlines 800-433-7300 “00, then say “”agent”"”
Amtrak 800-872-7245 “0 or say “”agent”"”
Delta 800-221-1212 “say “”agent”" four times – every time it asks for a response from you”
jetBlue 800 JET-BLUE 1 flight status; 2 reservations; 3 vacation packages
Kayak.com 203 899-3120 0
Northwest 800-225-2525 Star, 0,0 after initial greeting
Southwest 800-435-9792 Calls answered by operator; during busy times you might have to hold
United 800-864-8331 Do nothing, wait for human.
US Airways 800-428-4322 4, wait, 1
Walt Disney World 407-824-4521 Direct line to Magic Kingdom Guest Relations
tv/satellite phone steps to find a human
Comcast 800-266-2278 Customer service, but an IVR wants your number first.
Direct TV 800-347-3288 0 repeatedly
Dish Network 800-333-3474 0 during menu
Sirius 888 539-7474 0
TiVo 877-367-8486 “Say “”Live Agent”"”
Xm Radio 800-998-7900 Direct to human!

108 companies as of Sat 26-Nov-2005 11:58 AM. Copyright 2005 by Paul English of Kayak.com.

See more information. Know a new cheat? Tell me.

Tomorrow is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday: Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don’t care about? Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty; you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch? Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious, when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it? Well, on behalf of Ike Turner, I am so very very glad to officially announce tomorrow as SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY! There are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour – no more.
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turnss lapping the irritant.
* No weapons are allowed…other than going upside somebody’s head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
* If questioned by a supervisor [or police, if the supervisor is the irritant], you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping…..and have a great day!