eROI Days Email Agency

It’s a fact. A beautiful fact.  I’m bald (it’s okay - I love being bald). It’s so unbelievably low-maintenance and I have grown to prefer the more streamline look I have now. In fact, friends, uncles, whoever I know even sparingly, who are showing clear signs of balding, my response to them is always, “Shave that shit.”  In fact, I’m thinking of starting a website - www.shavethatshit.com (don’t buy that domain, I may use it) - and showing unoptimized, balding horse-shoe hairstyles on them.  Then again, maybe not.  I got some spam that made it into my inbox untouched, which made me think that AlviArmani (see photo below) knew I was bald, but didn’t know me well enough to know that I would prefer a razor to hair treatment for men.  I liked the Before and After picture so much, I had to share it with you.

I have to throw this one into the Worst of Email category today as I can never understand why people try to place video in an email. It just does not work. In recent tests only 4 out of 45 email clients will play or at least render the image. If you MUST add a video to your email try either a rotating image or a static image to get me to see it. (Which of course you can in a web browser after the jump).

Remember that we ALL LOVE video now that we have the bandwidth, but there are still some contraints.

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Now I like Norm Thompson, but I just don’t get the ALL CAPS in the Subject line. It is like they are SHOUTING AT ME TO OPEN THIS EMAIL. And did I? Well only because I like to look at what they did. As a consumer, major turn off. And if you shout, give me something of substance that warrants shouting dammit.

Overall it just does not match up with the brand attributes to shout.

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This is a variation of the Nigerian Bank Scam that we have ALL grown so fond of. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to get emails from stangers that I can helpl. Kind of like Sally Field at 1am asking me to feed the children. It makes me feel like I have spent time with this scam from a little one to a full blown, “Just Insert Name and Event Here” and help me move some money.

The bad thing is sooo many people have fallen for this scam. Poor bastards.

Paul Harden & Co
Swan Centre, Fishers Lane
Chiswick London, W4 1RX. UK.
Email:- harden1@*******.com

Dear Friend,

I am writing you this proposal on behalf of my chambers. I got your information through my personal search for a honest person whom i will work with,hence I decided to seek your veiws if you will work with me, due to the sensitivity of this transaction and my position as a lawyer.

I am Barrister Paul Harden from UK, representing Mr. Martin Greenberg, a foreign, Engineer by profession, who died since 1999, in an Egypt Air crash, on the 31st October along with other passengers on board.

Before his death, he has a huge sum of (US$25.5) which no other person knew about, he intended to invest in Southern part of Africa. This fund has NO other beneficiary and I have the original documents of Deposit/claim certificate to claim the money of w
hich the amount

involved is (US$25.5M) Twenty Five Millions five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars.

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Now, I’m not a fan of SPAM and never will be, but this subject line really caught my attention. I’m not a lesbian (although I sometimes think about it), but I’m thinking that the milk industry is making a comeback. Flowers, chocolate, Victoria’s Secret - that’s old news. What you really need to do to get a woman going is head to 7 Eleven and pick up a gallon of milk - the cow hormones apparently get other hormones worked up. The Porn email starts here and continues when you click to read more:

> From: Sonja [mailto:kmjysxbxc@jodypolk.com]
> Subject: **** SPAM **** Don`t buy her flowers, give her milk…

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