eROI Days Email Agency

This email glossary (that a co-worker sent me) is hilarious - take a read and comment below if you can add to this list:

“Tipping point
Point during a conversation by email where it becomes clear to both participants that they could have sorted things out days ago with a five-minute phone call.

Out of Office Reply
Device used by business people to avoid having to respond quickly to incoming email.

Thank you interval
Time spent wondering if you need to send a thank-you reply to a thank-you email.

Fistful
Measurement unit for spam. 10 spam emails is one fistful. Ten or more fistfuls is one sh*tload. So a sh*tload of spam is anything more than 100 spam emails.

Reply-all blindness
Disease characterized by an inability to distinguish between the “reply” and “reply all” buttons in an email client. Typical symptoms include acute embarrassment and complete loss of privacy.

Junk folder equation
The decision to review the contents of your junk folder is a function of two factors A and B. Where A is the potential value of finding useful mail inadvertently filtered into the spam folder. And B is the depressing prospect of wading through 500 ads for p*nis enlargers just to find an expired coupon for your local hardware store.

CC/BCC blindness
Disease causing the victim to put every address in their distribution list in the CC field of their email client, thus ensuring everyone gets a copy of both the message and the address list. Victims generally only suffer once from this affliction.

Disclaimer text
Long-winded piece of legalese commonly found at the bottom of corporate emails to indicate that the message “Hey John, how was your date last night?” should not be construed as a binding legal contract or a business solicitation. And unauthorized use, disclosure, copying or alteration of this question is forbidden on pain of something undefined (but possibly unpleasant) happening to you.

Can-Spam Act 2003
1. US law designed to restrict the sending of unsolicited commercial email
2. US law designed to allow the sending of unsolicited commercial email

Download uncertainty threshold
Point in time at which it is clear that the incoming email must include a large attachment, meaning either potential work, holiday snaps or another forlorn attempt to do something amusing with Photoshop.

The email paradox
The simultaneous feeling of despair and optimism when you check your email in the morning. Optimism at what interesting messages might arrive. Despair at the thought of finding work, complaints, several fistfuls (see above) of spam, another email from that client/customer/friend you’re trying to avoid…and yet more forlorn attempts to do something amusing with Photoshop.

Non-verbal clue
Situation where recipient is left wondering if the phrase “Die, you b*stard, die!” should be taken at face value or is simply another one of those unfortunate email misunderstandings.

Spam surveys
Statistics collected by anti-spam solution providers to give them an excuse to put out a press release once a quarter to tell us that there’s a lot of spam around (in case we hadn’t noticed.)”